FAMILY SECRETS ( Series )
Preached by Dr. Rickey Honea, Th. D. 01/07/2001 at College Heights Baptist Church - Lubbock TexasRomans 12:10-12
(Rom 12:10 KJV)
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
(Rom 12:11 KJV) Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
(Rom 12:12 KJV) Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
I. Your family life can be satisfying.
A. Many times we focus on what can go wrong.
1) This week I want to show how to make your family go right.
2) There are happy families out there.
3) Yours can be one of them.
B. It begins with an attitude.
1) Be devoted to each another.
Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
a) Honor, cherish your family (especially spouse).
b) Consider them to be worth the effort.
2) Accept one another.
Rom 15:7 Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God.
a) Write down spouse's traits you like.
b) Write down spouse's traits you dislike.
1) Thank God for them.
2) We hope they can change, but we are prepared
to accept them as they are.
c) Ask self: what can I do to help my family become happy?
3) Love one another.
a) This requires hard work, not just emotion.
b) (Civility= The act of showing regard for others) and cooperation must be learned.
c) love should be seen as five languages:.
1) Words of affirmation.
2) Gifts.
3) Acts of service.
4) Quality time.
5) Physical touch.
II. Words of affirmation that build up the other person.
A. Positive feedback and compliments.
(Eph 4:26 KJV) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
If all you do is complain and tear down, your are the worlds biggest fool if you think your marriage will last.
People can only take if for so long then they blow up and then blow out.
Learn to give compliments:
1) For simple things like meals.
2) Appearance, conduct at school.
3) (Letter of thanks to you father or mother for years of love on their birthday.)
Illustrate acts of compliments in the home for every family member.
B. "If you affirm something positive, you'll get something positive in return."
III. Gifts, showing that you think of them.
A. Gifts do not buy love.
(Song of Solomon 8:7 KJV) Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it ( or wash it away): if a man would give all the substance ( or his wealth) of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned ( scorned).
B. But gifts are concrete expressions of love.
Arnold Prater, in his book YOU CAN HAVE JOY!, tells about a man in a little English village named John Deckard. John was a clerk in a textile factory. A modest and quiet man, he lived in an ordinary little house at the edge of town with his wife and his six-year-old son, Rob. Like thousands of Englishmen, every morning John put on his plain tweed suit, got on his bicycle, and rode to work.
Returning home at five in the evening, he would work in his garden until suppertime. Then he would spend a quiet evening with his pipe and family. He was a very ordinary man living what most people would call a very ordinary life. But he had one claim to fame.
For five consecutive years John had won the blue ribbon in the Village Garden Show with his prize rose. It had gone on so long that people had come to expect it. John Deckard's prize rose would win, and that was that. This year, deep in his own heart, John Deckard knew that he would again win the blue ribbon, for this year his rose was
truly a rose among roses. Never had he seen such perfection in a flower. This was his masterpiece and as he watched it daily, his contentment and pride grew.
The show was on Saturday and he planned to transplant his rose to a pot early in the morning. But while he was at breakfast, the tragedy happened. His little son Rob burst into the kitchen, and chatting excitedly he rushed to the table and cried, "Look Daddy, look what I have for you!"
And in his grimy little hand, half its petals gone, its head drooping, was John Deckard's prize rose.
That afternoon, visitors to the Garden Show were astonished when they came to John Deckard's entry.
For in a flower pot he had thrust a stick, and attached to it, at the very top, was a picture of his little son, Rob.
When the judges heard what had happened, they gave John Deckard an honorary blue ribbon.
Some said that the rose that was not a rose was the finest he had ever grown.
C. Small gifts count as much as big ones.
1) Some of the greatest gifts in my office are those given to me by my family
IV. Acts of service.
A. Concept of service is at the heart of Christian love.
1) World says sex is key to love, but Bible says service is key to love.
2) Jesus set the example for us. (foot washing)
(John 13:12 KJV) So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?
a) We need to set an example for our kids.
b) Even includes household chores such as vacuuming or taking out the garbage.
B. We can fall back into love by serving our spouse.
1) Fixing breakfast for the family.
2) Tuning everyone out but your mate for a day
etc ....
3) Take the time to remind each other why you love each other
V. Spending quality time.
A. Make appointments for your family.
At a Promise Keepers' rally last summer the preacher gave the men a test.
The true value of a man's life, he said, can be seen in his wife's face.
One man in the audience winced when he heard that.
His name was Bill McCartney, and he is the found of P.K.
During a later rally he stood before thousands of men and made a confession. "My wife was in so much pain. I became convicted that I was not doing everything I could to bring my wife to splendor in Jesus Christ."
"Once I faced that, the issue became: Is continuing in coaching the best way to do that?
For 32 years we had chased Bill McCartney's dreams, not Lyndi's dreams.
She was married to a man who was so focused, so driven, so possessed. ... It was like God opened my eyes."
Adding insult to injury, one of football's fiercest competitors had added another obsession to his life --
Promise Keepers.
This nondenominational movement for men had grown from 4,200 in 1991 to 700,000 in 1995.
1996 will have three times as many rallies. Just what McCartney's family needed: a showdown with God
and the gridiron. Lyndi McCartney described one moment: "I told him I needed to be on his calendar, so he began penciling me in. But then I got erased a couple of times.
So I went back and told him I wanted to be written in ink -- 'It's ink or nothing,' I said."
The coach listened, concluding that he had been sinfully selfish -- a taker, not a giver.
As the 1994 regular season ended, he took advantage of a exit clause in his 15-year contract and quit.
B. Where we spend our time shows our real priorities.
1) Show your family you care.
a) Special time builds unity in family.
b) Jesus took disciples to quiet Caesarea Philippi.
2) Going to ball games, kids' concerts, family picnics.
a) Special overnights with spouse.
VI. Physical touch.
(Song 1:2 KJV) Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better
(more delightful ) than wine.
With out the power of touch, a newborn baby's chances of survival is almost Zero.
With out the power of touch, a newlywed's chances of survival is almost Zero.
With out the power of touch, a newborn Christian's chances of survival is almost Zero.
Etc .....
A. The power of affection.
1) (A Church in Tacoma, Washington, had "holy dancing." Lots of divorces resulted.)
2) Affection - Used correctly, can bind us together.
a) Hug kids.
b) Nuzzle spouse.
B. Be committed to fidelity = The quality of being faithful.
(Prov 6:20 KJV) My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: (21) Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. (22) When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. (23) For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life: (24) To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. (25) Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
1) Do not take unnecessary risks.
(2 Tim 2:22 KJV) Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2) Be aware of subtle dangers.
(Prov 5:23 KJV) He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
VII. Our families can be sources of strength and contentment.
A. Make it happen.
B. Set an example for future generations.
C. Love as God has loved you.
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"Building a Fulfilled Marriage," .
I. Learning to live.
(Stages of marriage, paralleling Israel in Promised Land)
(Deut 8:1 KJV) All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers.
A. We must LEARN to live together.
1) Takes hard work.
a) Main impetus should come through husband. Eph 5:22-33 ( READ )
b) Main obstacle is failure of husband.
2) Christ-like love from husband causes other things to grow.
a) Like a prophet, he will communicate.
b) Like a priest, he will intercede.
c) Like a king, he will lead.
B. Communication.
1) It takes twenty years of warming up to understand each other.
a) Reason Israel allowed newlyweds to skip war.
2) Questions to discern if you are a good communicator:
a) How would you rate me as a communicator? (1-100)
b) How free do you feel to share with me?
1) What makes you afraid to share?
c) What are differences in our social background that might cause conflict?
1) Do I have habits that bother you?
2) Are there things important to you I am failing to do?
C. Intercession.
1) Pray for spouse.
2) Be specific.
D. Leadership.
1) Takes even more time than others, to do well. (10 years)
2) Requires attention, protection, gentle care.
(Isa 40:11 KJV) He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
3) Husbands cannot abdicate leadership. ( abdicate= Give up, such as power, as of monarchs and emperors, or duties and obligations)
a) Jacob realized his family needed gentle care.
(Gen 33:13 KJV) And he said unto him, My lord knoweth that the children are tender, and the flocks and herds with young are with me: and if men should overdrive them one day, all the flock will die.
b) Keep business and family in proper perspective.
II. Learning to increase or multiply.
A. Children - .
B. Spiritual reproduction.
1) Only two things are eternal: God's Word and people.
C. What are the goals of your marriage?
(2 Cor 5:10 KJV) For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
2) Spiritual maturity of family should be a priority.
III. Possessing the land.
A. Enjoy what God has given you.
B. Time alone with Jesus.
1) More time alone is needed, not less, as the years go by.
C. Time spent with spouse.
1) Kids and grandkids can pull us apart.
2) Pressures cannot be avoided, so plan on them.
(Prov 22:3 KJV) A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.
INV.
"The Best-Kept Secrets of Family Life, Part 1"
I. The secret of Contentment.
A. Don't fall into the "if only" trap.
B. Feasting doesn't produce happiness.
C. Give your kids time instead of toys.
II. The secret of Merriment.
A. Develop a family with a sense of fun.
B. Parental Grump Cycle.
1) Don't bring work problems home.
2) Establish a family fun night.
III. The secret of Service.
A. World says sex is key to love.
B. Bible says commitment is key to love.
1) We can fall back into love by serving our spouse.
2) Fixing breakfast for the family."The Best-Kept Secrets of Family Life, Part 2"
A. The secret of management.
B. Only one in the lead.
C. The secret of limits.
1) Discipline on purpose, not as a reaction. 1 Pet 3:9
2) Be consistent, be quick. Eccl 8:11
3) Make sure the discipline exacts a cost. Prov 20:30
4) Overlook a lot of foolishness. Prov 19:11
D. The secret of acceptance. Rom 15:7
1) Write down spouse's traits you like.
2) Write down spouse's traits you dislike.
a) Thank God for them.
3) Ask self: what can I do to help my spouse become happy?
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